The gap between who you are and who you want to be is never more evident than when you stare at a closet full of things you hate. It would be hard to find a more potent symbol of wasted opportunities or unrealized potential than all those clothes hanging limply and gathering dust. Clothes that, at some point, you took the time to contemplate—maybe even love—before deciding to buy. How did they go from being an intentional purchase to a reminder of some kind of failure? What does that failure say about us? And who among us hasn't been there? There's a reason the popular refrain "a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear" can be so frustrating. Clothes may seem casual, but they're the physical manifestation of something much deeper, says Dr. Carolyn Mair , behavioral psychologist and author of The Psychology of Fashion . "Fashion is about the identity you want to portray," she explains. “However, sometimes our nerves get the better of us and we don't feel confident enough to wear the piece we bought.”
As Mair points out, it's not just a T-shirt, a pair of jeans, or a pair of shoes staring back at you from the wardrobe, but the ghost of an idealized version of yourself. That's why falling short can be so deeply discouraging, even unnerving.
The reasons why so many of us feel frustrated when dressing are many and affect everyone who loves fashion, hates it, or is even indifferent to it. "We buy fashion because we love it or because we have a problem with it," says Mair . "Those who struggle with it may buy clothes to feel good about themselves. They may be insecure about their body shape and buy clothes that don't fit well, thinking they'll look better when they reach their target weight. Those who love it may buy more than they really want on a whim and regret it later."
Dr. Dawnn Karen , fashion psychologist and author of the book Dress Your Best Life , explains that this worsening may be the result of a phenomenon called "decision fatigue." Also known as the "paradox of choice," it's the idea that more options actually lead us to feel less satisfied with our final selection, which "leaves us feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed, and causes us to make decisions we later regret."
Karen also claims that an overcrowded closet can trigger our brain's primal "fight-or-flight" instinct, which causes us to react to a stressful stimulus (e.g., a messy closet full of items we don't like) with a desire to confront it aggressively or flee from it altogether. Either way, your pulse may race the next time you're confronted with your cluttered, chaotic wardrobe.
How can we avoid this fate—or correct it? Well, an entire industry has sprung up to help. It's why Mrs. Marie Kondo , the Japanese minimalist lifestyle guru, took the world by storm a few years ago. She embodies the promise that minimalism and decluttering will somehow free us from regrets and disappointments, and that by ridding ourselves of our excess possessions, we can move closer to a higher version of ourselves. Yet, if you look closely, you'll find that even her technique acknowledges the emotional weight that clothes can carry. Her decluttering method treats them like beloved friends, asking participants to hug their garments to see if they "spark joy" and, if they don't, she advises them to thank them, literally, before sending them home.
I can help you clear out your cluttered closet!
To combat closet-hating syndrome, both Mair and Karen had workable "prescriptions." Karen , for example, had a wonderfully simple technique: delay your purchase. If you want to buy an item of clothing online, put it in your shopping cart and leave it there for a few days. If it's still fresh in your mind a few days later, you can buy it with the confidence that you're past the "impulse buy" stage. "But chances are you'll forget about it," she adds.
Mair , meanwhile, suggests doing a little mental role-play before purchasing an item. "I suggest asking yourself if you would be confident enough to walk into or through a crowded room wearing this item," she says. "Can you sit comfortably in it? Is the fabric comfortable and not see-through where it shouldn't be? Is it appropriate for the occasion—like an interview versus the workplace, a date, or a party?"
“Once you’ve bought it, I suggest building your confidence by trying it on a few times,” she says. “Move around and sit in it, and ask friends for their honest opinions, before the occasion you had in mind when you bought it.”
Karen talks about "styling from the inside out" as a way to remedy a sartorial rut. This idea breaks down into two main theories, the first being "mood-illustrative dressing," or wearing clothes that visually express how you feel inside (baggy clothes when you're feeling unattractive, for example, or all black to blend in) versus dopamine dressing or mood-enhancing dressing, which involves wearing clothes that will "optimize and elevate your current emotional state" (such as wearing a confidence-boosting item of clothing when meeting new people or a "lucky" item of clothing on the day of an important interview).
As with all types of psychology, there is no "one-size-fits-all" approach, but advice should be given based on the patient's situation and disposition. But simply being aware of your modus operandi can help you make smarter purchases.
“Ultimately, our wardrobe should reflect our lifestyle,” says Mair . “We can and should feel good in our clothes and have the items that facilitate the results we hope for. When we’re shopping for fashion, we need to consider what we already have in our wardrobe.”
Mair also suggests that an actionable answer to closet hatred is a good old-fashioned purge. “Getting rid of items we haven’t worn in ages or that no longer fit is a good start because it allows us to see what we already have,” she says.
As we slowly emerge from two harrowing years, Karen advises us to be kind to ourselves and open to the idea that we may be very different people than we were, say, in March 2020. And that's okay. Now that we're—fingers crossed—leaving the traumas of the pandemic behind us, we can and should be open to the emergence of a new version of ourselves.
“There was a shift during the pandemic,” she says. “You had the flexibility to wear whatever you wanted to wear. Even though you had to follow the rules upstairs because you were on Zoom, downstairs you could wear whatever you wanted to wear. So what I would tell someone is to feel free.”
Image of Mr Harry Haysom
Text by Mr Max Berlinger
